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How Patriarchy Threatens Women's Safety in Business. These are insights from a roundtable discussion.

How Patriarchy Threatens Women’s Safety in Business

Carla Sorrell

This is NOT an easy question. But it’s an important one, whether you have been thinking about it or not. That’s why we brought together a panel of 3 women whose expertise and experience could speak to the topic at depth, in a conversation hosted by Safi Media’s Founder Eleanor Beaton. 

The 45 minute discussion was deeply moving, and informative, thanks to the depth, detail and honesty of information shared. The topic was so compelling that the speakers could easily have spent several more hours talking about the nuances of patriarchy that exist in women’s lives and works: “This is a half a millimeter of a taste of what all of us wanted,” summed up Eleanor as the conversation came to a close. 

This article outlines some of the key thoughts, insights and experiences shared by the four speakers. If you want to listen to the full conversation, you can watch the replay.

Speakers:

Bethany Webster, speaker, best-selling author, and globally recognized expert on Healing the Mother Wound 

Joanna Lindenbaum, longtime expert on depth coaching and social justice-minded ethics

Leslie Priscilla, founder of Latinx Parenting, trauma-Informed healing-centered parenting coach and advocate for Latinx families 

How do you Define Patriarchy? 

Bethany Webster, globally recognized expert on Healing the Mother Wound 

Simplification, said Bethany Webster, will benefit any definition of patriarchy. “I see patriarchy as a set of systems, internal, external, that see women as less than.” Using the right terminology allows you to identify patriarchy everywhere it exists, a simple act that, in itself, validates patriarchy for many more women. And in being “less than”, the results of patriarchy are more than just subjugation, they also include scarcity (less than). 

How Does Patriarchy Make Us Feel Unsafe in Business? 

One example that everyone can relate to is the gender wage gap, an oppressive and insidious result of patriarchy. “What we’re told as women, your voice is less than a mans,” explained Leslie. “Your work matters less than a mans. Your value is less than a mans. The way that it has shown up for me is in not getting compensated right.”

Leslie and Eleanor both shared examples of how this has affected them at work. After being invited to develop a curriculum for one client, Leslie was told they thought she would do it for the exposure. At the time the client was working with other well established male consultants who would have been paid. While working as a freelance business writer, Eleanor told a company who wanted to re-publish one of her articles that it would be $1K, the man who had approached her then turned around and called her publisher, requesting she be fired. 

Leslie Priscilla, founder of Latinx Parenting

So many women don’t get to the point that they ever ask for the money, said Joanna. This limiting belief stems from the hierarchical belief system “baked into us.” We don’t ask because we have internalized messages that we are not good enough, not perfect enough. “Perfectionism is one of those baked in messages and beliefs of patriarchy. If we’re not perfect, then we can’t put ourselves out there.” The power dynamic embedded in these systems leaves women with two choices, to be the underdog or to be the manipulator. 

The takeaway? Leslie always asks for the budget upfront, addressing payment early. But it’s an uphill battle, she says. “It’s in those moments where you realize how much of a disadvantage we actually have being in those kinds of spaces.”

Women are Afraid to Take Bold Action – How Does That Relate to the Patriarchy?  

Women stay small and silent because it can feel unsafe to speak out, said Bethany. The issue is power. Our power was taken away from us as little girls and young women. Today, we are held back from being bold and brave by our memories of being penalized for our curiosity, or spontaneity, or any number of other things. 

The takeaway? Be proactive and international about the inner work required to know your personal history, and how it influences your responses. 

How do you Channel the Rage?

Leslie talked about how she had learned to harness her emotions intentionally, addressing a comment about rage which, she says, “is very appropriate, and it is just the other side of love.”

Anger, added Bethany, “is the energy of self love.” Recovering that anger is empowering, because it is “a vital part of our being.” When we can identify those transgressions, we empower ourselves through the strength of saying no or drawing the line around what is okay or not. 

“One of the most empowering things that I’ve learned on my journey is that our worth is inherent. It’s in place when we’re born.” It’s more important than money or status, and it’s not something we have to prove. One of the most revolutionary and empowering things a woman can do is “get off that train of production and proving and status, and really prioritize one’s own wellbeing.” 

The takeaway? Learn to address and channel your rage and emotions: Bethany says she had some of her best work after processing anger. And prioritize one’s own inherent self worth through wellbeing. 

Book Recommendations:

Why Does Patriarchy Dishonor Women AND the Earth? 

Not only does patriarchal thinking dishonor what’s traditionally understood as feminine, but patriarchal thinking also dishonors the earth, explained Bethany. Today, our contemporary society lives in a constant state of spring and summer. These were once known as active seasons, dedicated to working the land and yielding crops. Those seasons were traditionally counterbalanced with the winter season, a time to disconnect and rest. The cyclical nature of work honored the earth in a way that capitalism has disregarded. 

Eleanor shared a memory and a quote from Melina Laboucan-Massimo, founder of Sacred Earth Solar: “You can tell how we treat our planet by how we treat women.”

Is it Okay for Women to Work ONLY with Other Women? 

Joanna Lindenbaum,founder of the Applied Depth Institute

The answer is a resounding YES. And this is a question that a lot of women get slack over. Women’s decisions about who they want to work with are unfairly scrutinized.I feel very much that every woman has a right to work with the people that she wants to work with,” said Bethany. Women need their own spaces and places to work safely and freely. Bethany adds that this is particularly important in doing the taboo work that she and the other panelists are doing.

The Takeaway? Don’t entertain the criticism, it’s a waste of your energy when it is your right to work with who you choose to work with. And don’t engage with people who just want to get an energy boost out of riling you up. 

What are the resources that I have in the here and now?

“Don’t drown in the grief about the state of patriarchy and the lack of safety. Embrace the celebration of this work that we’re all doing — the personal, internal work. Things are changing and sometimes it’s hard to remember that… I would invite people to hold the grief, invite them to really sit with it. But also start to move into that celebration, and balance the two.”

  • Leslie Priscilla, founder of Latinx Parenting Founder, trauma-Informed healing-centered parenting coach and advocate for Latinx familias. 

“The biggest thing that I hope people will take is the reminder that it’s your birthright to be powerful to have aligned power. You get to work through whatever your internal blocks are to that, and you get to bring this knowing to your community, to impact others, whether you are an entrepreneur or not. Inspiration, and a reminder of deeper truths about who we are and what we’re capable of and the change that we can create together.”

  • Joanna Lindenbaum, longtime expert on depth coaching and social justice-minded ethics

“The more we can do the inner dismantling — the ways we keep ourselves silent, the ways that we’re complicit in our own disempowerment through our early childhood conditioning — the more we can work through that, the more we can easily handle the outer patriarchy stuff, like the awful bosses or the challenges we face as women in business. I truly believe that’s the revolutionary work — that’s where our power lies, in the wreckage of some of the trauma we’ve been through. That’s where we rise. The power is in the ruins of the past.”

“I invite the women who are listening to trust in yourself, everything that your life is bringing you is precisely the situation that is going to deliver you to your power.”

If you want to dive more deeply into this conversion, you can watch the full replay.

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