{"id":43,"date":"2013-10-12T16:32:02","date_gmt":"2013-10-12T16:32:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/wordpress-555301-2679610.cloudwaysapps.com\/fierce-insights\/6-steps-help-deal-jealousy\/"},"modified":"2013-10-12T16:32:02","modified_gmt":"2013-10-12T16:32:02","slug":"6-steps-help-deal-jealousy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/safimedia.co\/fierce-insights\/6-steps-help-deal-jealousy\/","title":{"rendered":"6 Steps to Help You Deal With Jealousy"},"content":{"rendered":"
In her book The Happiness Projec<\/a>t,<\/a> Gretchen Rubin writes about how she and her husband coined the expression \u201cfunny feeling\u201d to describe the little chill of jealousy they experience when one of their contemporaries has a breakthrough achievement.<\/p>\n I wrestled with a six-month-long bout of the funny feeling a couple of years ago after a close friend scored a book deal for her memoir. Part of me was truly, genuinely happy for her. But part of me\u00a0 — and the bigger part, I\u2019m ashamed to say — was crippled with jealousy. I\u2019d been slaving away over a novel that wasn\u2019t close to being ready. I was envious that she\u2019d managed to score a deal before I did.<\/p>\n I wanted to be happy for her. But I was too busy feeling diminished by her achievement.\u00a0 For a time, our friendship suffered because when we hung out, I had to work really hard to curb my feelings of professional insecurity.<\/p>\n I transformed her gain into my loss.<\/p>\n Chances are good you have also struggled with your own occasional or recurring episodes of the funny feeling.<\/p>\n If that’s the case, then brace yourself for some good news.<\/p>\n Jealousy can be a powerful teacher — if you handle it the right way.<\/strong><\/p>\n Here are six steps to help you deal.<\/p>\n 1. Quit judging yourself.<\/strong><\/p>\n The only thing worse than feeling jealous is the way you beat yourself up for feeling jealous.<\/p>\n Or, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don\u2019t make a right.<\/p>\n The worst thing about jealousy is the shame it causes.<\/p>\n You tell yourself you shouldn\u2019t be jealous, but you feel like the green devil anyway. And this inner conflict makes you feel like a miserable, petty, underachieving fool.<\/p>\n If you wrestle with these feelings, know this: jealousy is an excruciating yet very human emotion.<\/p>\n Don\u2019t beat yourself up over some sanctimonious sense of what you \u201cshould\u201d or \u201cshould not\u201d feel. Your feelings are your feelings. Own them and move on.<\/p>\n 2. Recognize that jealousy is a signpost.<\/strong><\/p>\n A wonderful coach and mentor once told me that rather than despise myself for being jealous, I should try to see the gift in it.<\/p>\n \u201cThink of jealousy as information,\u201d she told me. \u201cIt\u2019s trying to tell you something about what you want.\u201d<\/p>\n A few years ago I started to pay close attention to my jealousy. And I noticed that, without exception, I was jealous of friends and colleagues who didn\u2019t hold back. I envied their courage, their audacity and their sheer willingness to go for it.<\/p>\n They were diving into the water while my tendency was to loiter at the edge and dip my toe in.<\/p>\n Once I recognized that, I was able to start looking for ways to practice courage and go after the things I wanted.<\/p>\n 3. Take action.<\/strong><\/p>\n Once you take time to reflect and figure out the lack in your life that is causing you to feel jealous over someone else\u2019s goodies, make yourself a simple action plan to address the situation.<\/p>\n I\u2019ve noticed that as long as I\u2019m logging a thousand words a day on my book, and doing all I can to make it the best story I\u2019m capable of producing, I\u2019m fairly immune to professional jealousy. But the moment I fall off the 1000-words-a-day wagon, I am far more prone to episodes of the funny feeling.<\/p>\n Appropriate action is the antidote to jealousy. What does that look like for you?<\/p>\n 4. Confess.<\/strong><\/p>\n I used to be so ashamed of my jealous tendencies that I did the one thing that was sure to prolong them: I suffered in silence.<\/p>\n Jealousy is a shame-related feeling. And there\u2019s nothing shame loves more than silence.<\/p>\n One day I confided my jealous feelings to a good friend. And to my great surprise and relief, I found that she too dealt with her own bouts of jealousy from time to time.<\/p>\n It was a single, powerful conversation that I think back on any time I get the funny feeling: This is normal. Other people feel this way too. If they can handle it, so can I.<\/em><\/p>\n 5. Accept.<\/strong><\/p>\n I used to think I could arm myself against jealousy by doing really awesome things. I thought I could build a wall of achievements that would shield me once and for all against my dreaded jealous feelings.<\/p>\n I\u2019m here to tell you that it doesn\u2019t work. Not by a long shot.<\/p>\n At its root, jealousy is a feeling of inadequacy. It\u2019s the feeling that you\u2019re not quite good enough.<\/p>\n Yes, as I outline in Step 2<\/strong>, it\u2019s a feeling that can contain useful information that can drive you to take some productive action.<\/p>\n But jealousy is also a signal that you need to practice better self-esteem. Self-esteem is not about feeling confident. (Although that\u2019s great too!)<\/p>\n True self-esteem is the act of accepting yourself as you are. It\u2019s about understanding that you don\u2019t need to be extra-super-amazing to be worthy of happiness and acceptance.<\/p>\n You only have to be yourself. As you are. Right now.<\/p>\n (This is a biggie. If you struggle with this, I recommend you check out Dr. Nathaniel Branden\u2019s<\/a> work. He\u2019s a psychologist. And he dated Ayn Rand<\/a>. Nuff said.)<\/p>\n 6. Rinse and repeat.<\/strong><\/p>\n Practicing these steps will not vaccinate you against jealousy.<\/p>\n Building your self-esteem and taking actions that move you toward your goals take continuous practice.<\/p>\n But if you do follow these steps, you\u2019ll find your jealousy is no longer an enemy. She\u2019s a tough, bruised friend who shows up with a chip on her shoulder but a powerful lesson you have to read between the lines to understand:<\/p>\n Accept yourself for the person you are.<\/em><\/p>\n Know that you are enough.<\/em><\/p>\n Dive into life.<\/em><\/p>\n Have the courage to open up and share.<\/em><\/p>\n Go for the things you want.<\/em><\/p>\n [\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”3.0.90″ global_module=”362″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″][et_pb_divider global_parent=”362″ _builder_version=”3.0.90″ show_divider=”on” color=”#d8d8d8″ \/][et_pb_post_nav global_parent=”362″ _builder_version=”3.0.90″ in_same_term=”off” show_prev=”on” show_next=”on” \/][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p><\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Ah, jealousy. That most excruciating of human sentiments. Here are 6 ways to handle to so-called funny feeling.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n